INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION..

istock_000010106679xsmallThe other day I was at the park training some of my players when and old friend stopped by. I haven’t physically seen him in years but thanks to Facebook we’ve been in touch from time to time.

What happened afterwards might surprise some of you. We had an intelligent conversation. If you need to re-read that last sentence take the time to do so. There was no talk about what happened on desperate housewives, or who got traded where; we talked about the world and what’s happening in it.

Be honest with me right now, and answer these three questions. When was the last time you left a conversation feeling uplifted? When was the last time you left a conversation with more knowledge than you had before it started? When was the last time someone you talked to really made you think? I can tell you that I’ve had all three of those questions answered in that one conversation. The funny thing is two hours later I talked with a mentor of mine and the same thing happened. He made me think about where I was and where I wanted to go. We talked about changing the world for the better, and about living a balanced life.

With so much going on in the rat race we’re all running we’ve lost the ability to communicate with one another. The problem with this is that when we do have the time to communicate its dumbed down. We only talk about issues that fit into our “hectic” schedules. The weather, work, Snookies new hairdo, and anything else that takes less than a minute to discuss.

We don’t challenge each other to think anymore. We rely on our texting to do our talking. Back in the days you had to actually call someone to make plans. These days you can abbreviate a couple of words, and send four emoygis and you’re good to go.

I want to start a new movement. Lets start talking to one another more. Discuss not just what’s going on in your life, but also the world around you. This week have a meaningful conversation with someone, you have no idea how much you’ll learn!

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PRICELESS

Girl-Before-A-Mirror-By-Pablo-PicassoNever let anyone depreciate your value. That was a quote I wrote about two years ago. Like most of my morning quotes I’m not quite sure where that one came from but I instantly received a lot of positive feedback from it.

There are millions of people all over the world that don’t recognize their own self worth. It’s like going to a pawnshop with a Picasso painting and accepting the 50 bucks the guy behind the counter offers you. If you don’t know you’re own value how will you know when someone else isn’t treating you the way you should be treated? The short answer is you won’t.

People stay in relationships that are physically and mentally abusive because they don’t believe there’s something better out there for them. Their reality is that no one could possibly love them and that’s because they don’t love themselves. The same situation happens in the workplace. People have poured half their lives into jobs that don’t appreciate what they do. How many times have you heard, “My boss treats me like crap”? I’ve heard that line about a thousand times but the next day that same person walks right into work ready for another full day of abuse. Why? Well they most likely feel they don’t have the skills, intelligence, or god knows what to get a better job. So they settle. They sell their Picasso every day for peanuts.

I will tell you this right now. YOU ARE PRICELESS!! Make sure you read those last three words nice and slow. There is no value for you because you can’t put a price on who you are. If someone offered me a billion dollars for my life right now I’m pretty sure it would only take half a second to decline the offer. There is no amount that can compensate for who I am. I refuse to accept anything less than that, and you should as well. I believe we all have greatness inside of us. With that being said maybe .5 percent of the population actually believes it. Every day we’re given messages that suggest what great is supposed to look like, and like suckers we believe them.

We’re told what color greatness is, what size dress, what location its from, and we start checking ourselves off the list. What we don’t realize is that greatness is a state of mind. When you’re lucky enough to be around someone great they have a different vibe. They carry themselves in a way where you can sense there’s something different about them. It’s like going into that fancy restaurant where there’s no prices next to the entrées. Don’t look at yourself like the dollar menu at a fast food joint.

Knowing the value of you will make others know too. You’re priceless my friends never settle for anything less than what you’re worth.

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Thank You Sun and Thank You Rain

imageI watched a great video yesterday made by two friends of mine. They were on stage talking-to a group of people about gratitude. One of them was telling an emotional but inspiring story about his nephew Jared.

Jared was diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer at the age of sixteen. Two years later he passed away. Jared’s mom showed his uncle a letter he wrote after he passed on.

Jared wrote in the letter that he was grateful for god giving him cancer and not any other members of his family. When I first heard that story I was blown away. I couldn’t believe the strength this young man had while facing death.

When I met up with his uncle he was wearing a J.J. Strong band in Jared’s memory. I asked if I could have one and haven’t taken it off since. On the back of it is the word GRATITUDE. It’s a reminder that every day you have to appreciate everything life throws you no matter how hard it is.

Gratitude reminds me of the weather. No matter what the weather does it can never win. In the winter people in my part of the world curse the heavens for the snow to go away, and in the summer they curse the same heavens for it to be cooler. It’s a lose lose situation for Mother Nature. That’s why I think in New Jersey she screws with us on purpose. We have to start appreciating the day not the weather. Yeah it’s snowing and that might stink but you’re around to enjoy it. Feel better? I sure do.

The definition of gratitude is sometimes lost in translation. It’s not just appreciating all the good things in your life. Most of us would have gratitude if we won the lottery, or got a new car. Would we have it if we lost our job? Could we have gratitude then? If you think about it the right way I believe we could. It’s all about our mindset. If we look at losing our job as an opportunity to find a better one then we could be grateful for not having it anymore.

I wasn’t grateful for the injury that ended my basketball career at the time it happened. It took a little while for me to see why I should be. Today I thank the heavens every day for it. Without the injury I wouldn’t be writing this blog right now. Remember that sometimes the rain brings a rainbow be grateful for the opportunity to see it.

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BE THERE BEFORE YOU GET THERE

shutterstock_111719189_20799You have to see it. You have to see the corner office with the great view. You have to see the championship belt being wrapped around your waist.

You have to see the house with the picket fence and 2.5 kids. You have to be there before you get there. If you can’t see it how can you believe it?

I see myself speaking in packed stadiums. I see myself changing the lives of millions of people. I can see it clearly. Whenever I accomplish something that’s on my “to do” list it eerily seems familiar. It’s like shooting a last second shot in basketball. Any kid growing up playing hoops has imagined hitting the game winning shot thousands of times. They’ve seen the ball go in as the clock counts down from 3, 2, 1, and then the crowd goes wild.

Positive visualization is such a powerful tool. It’s like you trick the mind into believing the event already happened, so when it does the mind is at ease. The opposite effect can happen as well if we allow it. If we feed our mind negative scenarios, doubt and fear rear their ugly heads. There is no crowd lifting us in the air after the game, the corner office was given to that jerk Bob from accounting, and the speech we gave ended abruptly after we vomited on the first row. Looks a little different right?

Most successful people have two things in common, one they’ve gone through some kind of hardship to get where they are, and two they visualized success even during the roughest of times. It’s a lot easier to feed your mind positive messages when you’re a billionaire. It’s when you’re scrapping just to put food on the table that really tests your mental fortitude.

Understand that every journey starts with a single step, and once you take it you’re already on your way to being successful. Positive messages produce positive results my friends, see it and you’ll eventually be it.

 

 

 

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HATE BOX

For the last four years or so I go through a morning ritual that most of you are probably aware of. The second I wake up I write a motivational quote for the day. After I come up with the quote I’ll post it on the three or four social media outlets I have accounts for. On Saturdays I post a blog and go through the same routine.

hate news Most Americans go through a different routine. They wake up, grab their coffee and turn on a box that either sits on a stand or is nicely perched on a wall. The channel is most likely set to something called the news. The actual word news has a couple of different definitions, but this particular one stood out to me. News is defined as, “Newly received or noteworthy information, especially about recent or important events”.

This news is supposed to be informative, and some might even say educational. Outside of the weather what is it actually educating us about? If you are one of the billions of people that watch the news each day what did you learn today? You learned that their are wars in other countries, widespread racism throughout our country and the rest of the world, hate crimes, ignorance, murder, child abductions, and anything else depressing you could think of. At the very end of one of these uplifting stories was probably a five-minute segment about a little girl who found her missing cat. The editor must have felt that one heart-warming story could balance out the others.

The same editor is in charge of what stories we see every day. Now no one quite knows who’s in charge of the actual media but whoever it is probably doesn’t subscribe to my daily quotes. Think about everything that comes out of the box that so many are addicted to watching, how much of it is positive? We have a reality show for every major city with a bunch of crazy housewives waiting their turn to drop the rate of tourism with one politically correct sentence after the other, but how many programs on that same box are on their for the sole purpose of uplifting others. Before you name Reading Rainbow, or Sesame Street take the kids and church programs out of the equation. Now name one. Exactly.

We live in a society where most of us believe what we see. If it’s on the news then it must be right. So what happens when you hear a negative story about someone from another race, nationality, religion, or gender? What if you hear this story every morning you wake up? Does it sway your opinion of them a little bit? Be honest with yourself. For those of you who remember the L.A. riots think about how much media coverage it got.

From sun up to sun down you saw some of the most vivid images you could imagine. Reginald Denny an innocent white man being dragged from his truck and almost beaten to death by a group of black men. Ironically the exact same scenario started the riots to begin with, but it was a black man being beaten by white cops. Did it divide the country, of course it did. So did the O.J trial, the Tawana Brawley case, the murder of James Byrd, every war we’ve ever fought, immigration, gay marriage, terrorism, and the list goes on. It’s amazing that a country that has had the blueprint to our survival since 1768 still can’t figure it out. It was John Dickinson’s “Liberty Song” that said “By uniting we stand, and by dividing we fall”.

The division is in the form of red and blue states, ghettos and suburbs, pastors and scientist, legal’s and illegal’s, gays and straights and the list go on.

I’m not saying throw the box out that you love so much. I’m telling you to be aware of the messages that you only allow yourself to see. Understand that not everything is what it seems. There is more to the ocean then just the surface. It’s on us to explore and get the truth. In the words of the great Zig Ziglar be a “good finder”, because the world has more to offer then just the negative.

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I DARE YOU

tongue-frozen-to-poleI dare you to not be a product of your past. I dare you to break the mold that society so badly wants to put you in. I dare you to block out all the white noise in your life that makes you doubt your self worth. I dare you to start believing in you.

I dare you two stand on your own two feet. I dare you to stop worrying about who’s behind you or who’s in front of you. I dare you to be great even on the days you feel anything but. I dare you to change the world.

This isn’t a blog it’s a challenge. Great people are harder to find than big-foot these days and I think I know why. When we’re younger we challenge each other all the time. One of our goofy friends would tell us we couldn’t do something and next thing you know we would try to prove them wrong. Now this didn’t always turn out in our favor, but it was the challenge that drove us. If our tongue ended up sticking to the frozen pole in front of the school so be it.

These days we don’t challenge ourselves enough. We stay in the middle of the pack unwilling to run ahead. Leaving the pack behind would take extra work. It would involve getting out of our comfort zone. That’s what separates the good from the great. The ability to deal with that discomfort and push forward despite it. So what are you going to do?

Are you going to wake up today and strive to be average? Are your goals so low that you’ll never have to stretch to reach them? Or are you going to challenge yourself to be more. The choice is yours.

I had a conversation with one of my younger coaches yesterday about goal setting. I told him to write down goals so big that they scare him. When your goals make you nervous you know you’re on the right track. If no one else will dare you to be great I’ll take the challenge right now. Because the greater we are as individuals the greater we’ll be as a planet.

 

 

 

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THE INVISIBLE NET..

lThere’s an old saying that goes, “Leap and the net will appear”. Which basically means have faith in what you do and things will work themselves out. We live in a world of fear.

We’re afraid to take chances. We’re afraid to chase dreams.

Most people need to see the net first before even thinking about jumping. That mindset is what separates the good from the great. I can’t tell you if you’ll be successful or not, but I can tell you that you’ll never know unless you put yourself out there and try.

Fear tricks some of us into thinking that there is no net, regardless of how hard we work or how much we believe.    So most people decide to stay grounded. They’ll watch other people take the leap of faith and wonder how they did it. What they fail to realize is that anyone of us can make the jump. The choice is ours.

It’s like jumping out of a plane. Once you take the leap there’s no turning back. What deters most people is the process before the actual jump. As you’re going over safety instructions and signing your life away its human nature for your mind to start wandering. Scenarios of the parachute not opening, and your family watching you free fall to your death on the nightly news dance through your head.

At that point the flight or fight mechanism inside your body kicks in and you have to make a choice. It’s either yay or nay. When it comes to chasing your dreams we have the same two options. Now granted jumping out a plane is probably a tad bit scarier than deciding if you’re going to switch majors in college or not, but in the end it’s ultimately on us.

Fear is one of life’s great time wasters. While we sit and second-guess our dreams time ends up turning those dreams into distant memories. The net will appear but you’ll never know unless you jump.

 

 

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SMOKE AND MIRRORS

SOCCER-PROTESTWhen you live in a world like the one we live in nothing is really what it seems. Think about this for a minute. Right now in one of the most impoverished countries in the world a celebration is going on. Brazil is the host of this years World Cup. An event that has more viewers than the Olympics.

Millions of people are all looking at the same thing but what do they see? Outside of the cameras, lights, and flags there are people struggling to live. For every goal scored there are hundreds of favelas ignored. A favela in Brazil is a slum; they are located mostly on the outskirts of the country’s larger cities. As the World Cup brings an estimated 11 billion dollars of revenue, those without will be on the outside looking in.

Sometimes the eyes only see what the mind allows them to see. If your focus isn’t on injustice it will be hard to see it let alone sympathize with it. Distractions stop us from seeing what’s right in front of our eyes. How often do you look at your iPhone? It’s hard to see what’s going on during the middle of Candy Crush. The problem isn’t our vision it’s our mindset. In a ME dominated society it’s hard to focus on WE or US. With technology booming the way it is a new piece of yarn is always available for us to chase. The problem is what we should be chasing are answers.

No one ask WHY anymore. What did you do last week? Do you remember? How could you with all the distractions each day? If you watch the news the first thing in the morning I doubt you know what you did two hours ago. Hundreds of stories fed to us about what’s right, what’s wrong, and what’s supposedly going on? When did we lose our ability to think clearly?

Free thinkers are slowly becoming extinct. When everyone shares the same brain the individual dies. We weren’t born to be the same my friends. One of the first questions we ask as a child is WHY? We’re curious about the world we want to know how things work, so why not now?

Not everything is what it seems and the sooner you realize it the better you’ll be.

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EMPTY

gas tankI remember the first time I saw the light. Let me clarify. I’m not talking about a near death experience. I was seventeen years old and driving my moms van back home from a friend’s house. I was about five miles away from my house and the red gaslight started blinking. I started envisioning walking home as my abandoned soccer mom van sat stranded on the side of the road.

I immediately came up with the top three excuses that would not get me killed by my mom after I woke her up and told her what happened. I was thinking about possibly putting dirt on my clothes and making an elaborate story about running from a bear. Then I remembered that Tina Thomas would most likely end my life right there.

As these painful scenarios raced through my mind I noticed something, the car was still moving. I was almost home and the van hadn’t stopped yet. Unless there was a different meaning for the word empty I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. When I pulled into the driveway I realized my moms car was a liar. Maybe realizing that I was a new driver it wanted to play a prank on me. A little rookie hazing for the new guy whose a little wet behind the ears. Then I remembered it was a car and I wasn’t in a Stephen King movie.

The next morning when my mom woke up I informed her that the car may or may not have any gas left. I was about to offer my assistance so we could push the van to the gas station. Then she told me about the 30 miles or so you have left in the tank once the gaslight comes on. WHAT!!!??  My mind was blown, and if the van wasn’t made of material that would break my foot I would have went outside and kicked it for scaring the crap out of me.

This scenario would happen time and time again. I would be out with my friends, on my way to work, on a date, you name it I saw that gas light more times than most people. The difference now was I knew that cars were liars. I never panicked I would just drive twenty or so miles and then casually find a gas station. Having that little piece of knowledge made me calm. What I didn’t realize at the time is that like cars our bodies work the same way. Don’t look for the gaslight on your body just hear me out for a second.

Think about the hardest workout you’ve ever done in your life. The one where you were on the verge of tears. After you finished did you peel yourself up and walk to your car? If the answer was no you wouldn’t be reading this right now. Somehow you tapped into something inside of you that pushed you through the madness.

We all have this reserve tank inside of us. The problem for most people is they don’t know its there. So as soon as the regular tank start running out they panic. Panicking most the times leads to quitting. I always talk to the kids I train about the last sprint of practice. It doesn’t matter how hard we trained mostly everyone can push themselves through one more. That could be one more sprint, one more round, one more test, one more chemo treatment, one more job interview, one more anything.

YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT. The tank isn’t empty my friends there’s more left inside you. Now you know, so when that light comes on laugh it off and make it home.

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YEAR 1

bryceYou wont remember the balloons or the cake. You won’t remember your crazy adopted uncles and aunts singing to you. To be honest you won’t remember much of anything for the next couple of years, so I wanted to let you know about your first one on this earth.

You made me tear up from the very first second I held you. I remember being in the recovery room with you right after you were born. As the nurse read your measurements I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I thought about your two grandfathers that are no longer with us. I thought about the first time you’ll pick up a basketball, put on a Gi, or tell me about a girl. As all these scenarios ran through my mind tears starting forming in my eyes. I couldn’t believe I had a son. I stared at you until the nurse told me they needed you back for some more test, and anxiously waited for you to meet your mom for the first time.

When you came home your mom and I were scared to death. We handled you like an egg fearing that any sudden movement might break your small body. Despite seeing the nurses at the hospital flip you around like a gymnast we were still extremely cautious. Eventually through the late nights, the explosive poop, and the projectile vomit we started to figure it out. One day you looked at me and smiled, and I swear to this day I can’t accurately describe the feeling I had at that moment in words.

Then came the laughter and the hugs. When I’m driving home from the gym my goal some days is just to get home before you go to bed. Every morning you wake up I’m already patiently waiting for you. I never thought I could love anything as much as I love you, but you proved me wrong from our first moment alone in the recovery room to right now as I write this.

We have a long way to go Bryce. There’s so much that I can’t wait to teach you. How to dream big regardless of what anyone else says. How to give back and understand there’s always someone, somewhere that has it worst than you. How to get up no matter how hard you get knocked down. How to be your own man, and take a different path from the sheep that will try to get you to follow. I wanted to keep this short so I’ll honor my word.

Happy Birthday Bryce I’m going to end up eating most of your cake this Saturday, but there will be plenty in the years to come. Thanks for coming into our lives I love you son.

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